I can ensure you I'm not the only parent who gets extreme anxiety when taking my child out to a public place. Many of us parents get this, even without a non-visual disability. But for us parents who have a child with an invisible disability, not only does it take hours of planning, but it's also very anxiety driven. ASD is such a spectrum of different behaviors, thought processes, actions, etc. that it's not the "cookie cutter" version you've seen on previous TV shows in the past where you see a child flapping their arms, yelling in T V sayings, or having that meltdown on the ground. Often, it's the parents who get looked at when behaviors do happen, it's that visual glare, snarl, whisper to the person next to them, or even, if the person is just rude enough, a sly comment directly telling us to control our kid, or maybe a good slap across the bottom would put them in their place. It's these things that we encounter that drain us from wanting to try things or take our kids there because we just can't seem to give ourselves or our kids enough grace and know we're doing our best. Society has made parenting so difficult and judgmental that to add a disability to the mixture pretty much sets any parent up for failure and exclusion. WHY? A mom once asked me how I responded to such judgement and glares out in public with my kids, and I struggled to answer that question a bit. While I use it as a time to educate and advocate for my child, I also feel like I'm constantly putting this label on who they are and they are SOOOO much more than their diagnosis. These children are amazing! They see things differently than us, can solve problems I didn't even know I had, come up with hilarious jokes and also give the best hugs and snuggles. And it's the moments like Monday I had with my oldest that reassure me I'm doing okay. We had gone to our local public waterpark as both my kids are fish out of water, but Bennett didn't have school in the afternoon. We decided to enjoy the dry day for once and spend the afternoon there while waiting for his little brother to get done. He's pretty good about water safety and had met another little girl there and became instant buddies. He was even trying to teach her how to swim (holding on to the end of the pool and kicking the legs) when he doesn't know how to himself. I had called him out of the pool as we had to leave to go get his brother, and the little girl's dad came up to me and told me that I had a very sweet loving little boy and he was just amazed at how kind my son was. Bennett is my social butterfly, worrying about others more than himself and wanting to be everyone's friend. It's the social aspect of ASD that he struggles with, such as a lack of stranger danger, knowing that not everyone is a safe person and how not everyone will want to be his friend or be kind. However, that is the kind of thing that I want for him. He is inclusive of everyone, regardless of anything, he loves with his whole heart, he doesn't let things stop him, even though he can get very emotional and frustrated, he keeps trying. He shares this with everyone he meets and that's how childhood should be. It should be sharing and celebrating their differences and learning more about one another than passing judgement or spreading negative energy. It's up to us as parents to role model that as well and to be inclusive and advocate for them to be included. Parenting is hard enough, why make it harder for anyone else? In the end, we may look at things differently than other parents, and have different challenges that we face, but in the end, we all have the same goal, and that is wanting what is best for our child, helping them to be as successful in their lives as possible, and showing them the endless boundaries of love and acceptance. Just because we may see things a little differently, doesn't mean it's not valid. Teach your kids to accept and love regardless of differences. The world would be a lot better place if we all could model that for our children.
Comments